In Conflict:
How to Avoid It, I gave tips on how to prevent problems
with people in your life. But the truth is, no matter how hard
we try to avoid conflict, it's bound to come up. The most loving
people in the world still have disagreements. Conflict, if managed
well, is a healthy component of a strong relationship. If you
find yourself at odds with someone, try one of these techniques
to resolve your differences:
-
FIND
THE RIGHT TIME FOR DISCUSSION. Usually this is later, after
you've had a chance to calm down.
-
FIND
THE RIGHT PLACE FOR DISCUSSION. Go someplace private and neutral.
-
FIND
A WIN/WIN scenario. See if there's a way everyone can get their
way.
-
ATTACK
THE PROBLEM, NOT THE PERSON
-
GET
FEEDBACK FROM SOMEONE NOT INVOLVED BEFORE A CONFRONTATION. Sometimes
an objective third party can share a perspective we haven't
considered.
-
SEEK
FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD. This wonderful tip
comes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey
(also in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen
R. Covey). Basically it means, before you open your mouth to
get your point across, first to try to get the other person's
point. This might change your perspective, and it'll let the
other person know you're listening.
-
LISTEN
WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.
-
DON'T
PREPARE YOUR RESPONSE WHEN YOU SHOULD BE LISTENING. (We're all
guilty of this one.)
-
FOCUS
ON ONE CONFLICT AT A TIME.
-
AVOID
POINTING OUT HYPOCRACY. Just because the other person is guilty
of the same infraction, doesn't mean you're justified.
-
AVOID
BROAD CRITICISMS SUCH AS "YOU ALWAYS…" or "YOU
NEVER.."
-
KEEP
THE VOLUME DOWN AND BE POLITE.
-
HOLD
HANDS. OK, you're not going to do this with everyone, but if
it's appropriate, hold hands with the other person. The physical
contact immediately diffuses anger and reminds you that you're
both human. My wife and I use this technique and it really works.
-
BE
REASONABLE, SENSITIVE AND COOPERATIVE, BUT DON"T SACRIFICE
YOUR OWN FEELINGS. Don't apologize if you don't mean it. You
are an important person and your feelings should be addressed.
And most of
all, remember this:
YOU DON"T
HAVE TO BE RIGHT. Most of us fight and fight so we can be "right."
But why is being right so important? What are the real advantages
of being right? Avoid thinking in terms of right and wrong, and
instead focus on finding resolution.
For more information
on managing conflict, check out the Jump
Start Leadership Workbooks.
Scott Greenberg, Speaker, Author, Leadership Consultant
Providing motivation, team building and leadership training for
groups and individuals looking for optimum performance.
For
more information on programs or leadership workbooks,
call 1-800-450-0432 or visit www.scottgreenberg.com
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