The most important
thing you can do to influence people is to establish rapport with
them. When people like you and feel more comfortable with you,
it's way easier to move them to action. It's easier to sell to
them, to get their vote, to get the job or even to get the date.
So how can you establish rapport? One highly effective technique
is called "mirroring."
It's been
proven that people respond to others who are similar to them.
Sometimes it's the little things that allow us to feel a commonality.
So if you want to build rapport with someone, try mirroring their
casual behaviors.
-
Use
similar facial expressions.
-
Use
similar speech patterns including volume, tempo and overall
energy.
-
Match
their posture. (Do they sit up? Slouch? Cross their legs?)
-
Use
the same kind of humor. (or no humor if they use none)
-
Use
the same vocabulary.
-
Find
out in advance what they're interested in so you can hold up
a conversation.
-
Be
aware of common friends or colleagues.
Clearly you
don't want just to copy them, which will make them feel mocked.
Nor do you want to do something that is totally unnatural for
you. The idea here isn't to pretend to be something you're not.
You want to sell the real you. The goal is to make subtle choices
that put others at ease and make them feel good about who you
really are. This is achieved through casual mirrored behaviors.
Last year
I was invited to interview at 20th Century Fox to co-host a TV
special. I was prepared to be dignified and professional. But
when I met the producers, they wore jeans, joked and were obnoxiously
loud. I decided to play along - to fit in. I joked, I kicked back
in my chair with my hands behind my head and chuckled as loud
as they did. I wasn't being fake. I just allowed my personality
to be expressed in a similar fashion to theirs. And I could tell
they were responding well. I nailed the meeting and got the job.
(Typical of Hollywood, our show never aired.)
Often it's
the little, unnoticed things that allow us to connect with people.
Start noticing. Next time you face an experienced sales person,
look for them using these techniques on you. Learn to build rapport
with people and you will be a person of major power and influence.
You may also
want to read the articles: Networking:
Your Connection to Success, Networking:
How to Connect with Influential People, Networking:
Help Yourself by Helping Others , or check out the Jump
Start Leadership Workbooks.
Scott Greenberg, Speaker, Author, Leadership Consultant
Providing motivation, team building and leadership training for
groups and individuals looking for optimum performance.
For
more information on programs or leadership workbooks,
call 1-800-450-0432 or visit www.scottgreenberg.com
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