Not long ago
I spoke at a conference with a speaker who was very open with
his opinion of another very well-known speaker. I could tell he
was soliciting a similar reaction from me so we could both have
fun criticizing. While I happened to agree with him, the conversation
really bothered me. I try to avoid critiquing colleagues behind
their back. It doesn't help the other speaker, and it makes me
feel a little sleazy.
In
his attempt to bond with me, the speaker I was talking to only lost
my respect. So instead of taking the bait, I just said I haven't
seen the other speaker enough to have an opinion.
Sometimes,
like all humans, I do take the bait and participate in these conversations.
I ALWAYS regret it afterwards.
Admiral
Hyman Rickover once said "Great men talk about ideas; Mediocre
men talk about things; Small men talk about people."
I believe there's NO real benefit to gossip. It's unfair to the
listener as well as to the person you're discussing. And invariably,
it comes back to haunt you.
Ever
have this happen? A good friend gets dumped. Wanting to encourage
them, you tell them how awful their partner was anyway and how lucky
they should feel to be rid of that jerk! They appreciate you taking
their side -- until a week later when they get back together with
their partner. Oops.
It's
very tempting to talk about someone to elevate ourselves or to bond
with something we think will share our feelings. Unfortunately,
words cannot be taken back. Like e-mail, once you put something
out there, it's out. And it can be repeated. And traced back to
you.
I've
found that it's much more diplomatic and it just feels better to
keep your words kind. Resist the urge to gossip. If you stick to
the truth and to opinions you wouldn't mind having repeated, you'll
never have to worry that your words will come back to haunt you.
Scott Greenberg, Speaker, Author, Leadership Consultant
Providing motivation, team building and leadership training for
groups and individuals looking for optimum performance.
For
more information on programs or leadership workbooks,
call 1-800-450-0432 or visit www.scottgreenberg.com
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