Giving Up The Need to Be Right | motivational blog

As a motivational speaker I’m often asked to do workshops on conflict resolution. Having studied the subject for years, it seems a great deal of tension between two otherwise loving individuals is caused by the need to be right. We LOVE to be right. We’ll argue to the death to prove we’re right. And when we suddenly realize we’re wrong, we still argue as if we’re right.

Clearly it’s important to figure out the right answer. But what difference does it make whether it’s you or I who figure it out? What’s the advantage to me? How are our lives (and more importantly, our relationships) enhanced by proving we’re the one who’s right?

I typically get the same answers in my workshops:

“It feels good.”
“It shows they should listen to me next time.”
“People will respect me more.”
“It makes me feel like I’ve won.”

I don’t buy these responses. I think people respect us more when we can admit to our mistakes, change our minds and listen. If anything, it makes them feel less defensive and more open to admitting when they’re wrong.

We rarely argue with our enemies and rivals. Usually we argue with colleagues and loved ones. Needing to be right sets up the argument as a competition, a verbal tug-of-war. With both sides pulling, there’s incredible tension. I demonstrated this point at a recent convention where I was the motivational speaker.

Scott Greenberg during a motivational speaking event

Once one side stops arguing and admits being wrong, the tension instantly disappears, without any loss of credibility or respect.

In an argument there are actually three sides, not two. There’s you, your colleague and the problem itself. Rather than competing, it’s better to partner with your colleague to solve the problem. To feel a common resentment at this outside issue that has infiltrated your relationship and caused a problem. The solution is not a prize for one person to take, but for both of you. When you think of the other person as a teammate rather than as a competitor, you’ll feel less compelled to get defensive, and more likely to see where you’re wrong.

It’s empowering to be wrong because you can do something about it. Look for opportunities be wrong and own up to it. You’ll gain more respect and enjoy a lot more peace.