The giving of a compliment is something we take for granted. “Nice job.” “Good work.” “Well done.” These are all fine. But the impact could be deeper. Here are a few ways to make your compliments more effective:
Be specific. Don’t just say “nice job.” Let them know what exactly is the quality or behavior you want to reinforce. “I really like the way you caught that pass.” “How do you get your hair to curl like that?” “You handled that really well, especially when you said…” Being specific demonstrates sincerity and shows they’ve really made an impression on you.
Let the compliment stand on its own. Don’t follow it up with a request of any kind. Even if the intent of the compliment is to start a conversation, it can quickly seem manipulative if you ask for something. If that’s really what you want, start with a genuine compliment and let the conversation progress organically.
Don’t overdue it. Too much or too frequent praise diminishes the power of each compliment. And being too emphatic when praising makes you seem disingenuous, or as if you’re after something. Balance kindness with restraint.
While compliments can open up conversations, the best thing about them is their ability to make people feel good. Get in the habit of acknowledging someone for this reason alone. It’ll spread a little goodwill, and make you a little less critical.
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