In a recent interview I gave for an article on crucial skills to teach kids, I shared the following three ideas:
1. Kids must learn early about standing up to social pressure. Even in the pre-school years they experience social hierarchies and face peer pressure. Parents must help them learn about being confident in their own opinions and choices, and not to let others kids pressure them into wrong behaviors.
2. Parents must also let their kids experience failure, rejection and an occasional skinned knee. It’s painful to watch, and it goes against every parental instinct. But if we protect our kids too much, we deprive them of the very experiences that make them resilient.
3. Kids must also learn early about kindness and community service. Take them to the park to pick up trash. Bake cookies with them and give them to the neighbors. Give them opportunities to help others and it will shape them into more loving people.
The giving of a compliment is something we take for granted. “Nice job.” “Good work.” “Well done.” These are all fine. But the impact could be deeper. Here are a few ways to make your compliments more effective:
Be specific. Don’t just say “nice job.” Let them know what exactly is the quality or behavior you want to reinforce. “I really like the way you caught that pass.” “How do you get your hair to curl like that?” “You handled that really well, especially when you said…” Being specific demonstrates sincerity and shows they’ve really made an impression on you.
Let the compliment stand on its own. Don’t follow it up with a request of any kind. Even if the intent of the compliment is to start a conversation, it can quickly seem manipulative if you ask for something. If that’s really what you want, start with a genuine compliment and let the conversation progress organically.
Don’t overdue it. Too much or too frequent praise diminishes the power of each compliment. And being too emphatic when praising makes you seem disingenuous, or as if you’re after something. Balance kindness with restraint.
While compliments can open up conversations, the best thing about them is their ability to make people feel good. Get in the habit of acknowledging someone for this reason alone. It’ll spread a little goodwill, and make you a little less critical.
In my years as a motivational speaker I’ve had my share of flights. After a while one begins to appreciate the difference a well-chosen seat can make. Each airline configures their planes differently, so you never know where the best seats are — until now. Check out www.seatguru.com . Choose your airline and the type of plane being used on the flight and it’ll give you the lowdown on seats to select and those to avoid. A real must for any frequent traveler.
