I recently coached one of my employees to discuss her life goals. She’s got big dreams, all o f them achievable. In the two years I’ve known her, however, she’s made virtually no progress. She has no problem with the idea of a new life. Her problem is letting go of the old one.

To get closer to where we want to go, we’ve got to move away from where we are. Improving life means giving up everything that’s insufficient. For example, if you want to have better friends, you need to let go of the ones who aren’t good for you. If you want a better job, you need to leave the one you’ve got. To start a healthier diet, you’ve got to stop with the junk food. Life improvements can’t happen unless we make room for them.

We all long for stability. Too often that means stasis. That’s when things aren’t getting worse, but they’re not getting better. The problem is, time is ticking by, and so are opportunities. Our days are finite. If life is moving forward without you, it’s the same as if you’re moving backward.

What are you holding on to? From what is it keeping you? Are you stuck in the same dead-end relationship? Are you still working an unfulfilling job? Are you living in the same uninspiring community? These things feel safe because they’re familiar. Unfortunately, there’s nothing more dangerous than too much safety.

Maybe it’s time to go on a life diet. Unload all the excess. Get rid of everything that’s not working for you, whatever and whoever that may be. Create space for better people and better opportunities. By doing this you are inviting a whole new world to enter your life. It will be scary, it will be thrilling and it will be healthy.

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Not long ago I was brought in as a motivational speaker for the National Teen Leadership Program and noticed someone in my audience put her head down to sleep. This threw me, and I began to wonder if I was boring my audience. It was a terrible feeling during a speech that required my focus. Surprisingly, I got a great response at the end and the woman approached me.

‘Excuse me, Scott? I really enjoyed your session. Sorry for putting my head down. I’ve just got this really bad headache. Do you have any Tylenol?”

We humans are sensitive creatures. It doesn’t take much to upset us. Chances are someone will do something today that will offend you. They’ll cut you off on the freeway, they’ll criticize you or maybe they’ll give you an unkind look. It’s tempting to let this spoil your day. No one enjoys an unpleasant encounter.

These moments won’t hurt as much when you don’t take them personally. Most of the time, they reveal more about the other person than they do about you. The person who cuts you off may be late for court. The critic may be struggling with some inner inadequacy. They people texting during a motivational speaker session may actually be taking notes. (I’m still trying to get used to this!) There are many reasons why people behave as they do which have nothing to do with you. When you consider this, their offensive behavior won’t bother you so much.

The antidote to sensitivity is compassion, the ability to feel sympathy for others. This is easy when their behavior has nothing to do with you. When it does, compassion may not be your first instinct. We have to be conscientious about managing our emotional responses. This is one of my main messages as a motivational speaker.

The next time someone offends you, ask yourself a few questions: What outside factors may be influencing the other person? Why would someone kind display offensive behavior? What does someone’s criticism of you reveal about them?

Sometimes the criticism is about you, and some things are personal. You’ll be more equipped to handle these situations when your overall sensibility is less defensive. But remember, the vast majority of the time it’s not personal.

Learn to control your emotional responses to others. When you do, you’ll need less Tylenol.

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